We had a really short chat this time. We shared what we would have been if not for different circumstances. Was it purely coincidence that we both wanted to do the same thing or does it mean something more?
You’ll never know but you never fail to cheer me up each time we talk.
The first time we did, you put a smile on my face after an intensely long and uncomfortable flight. I was fighting jet lag and boredom, waiting all by myself in an airport.
The second time, was at the end of a really bad day where everything that could go wrong went wrong in a spectacular fashion. I was angry, upset and past crying my heart out. You put a smile on my face and made me feel like the day wasn’t all that worthless and wasted after all.
The third time we spoke, was after a hard week enduring an annoying person that irritated and frustrated me in every possible way. I was feeling a little lousy but your one little comment made me smile and that little greeting you gave me could probably make up for all the disappointment I’ve to endure because of plans I’ve to give up on. You made an unmemorable day memorable. I cannot promise I will remember it a year from now but for right this moment, this is enough.
I was drinking a cup of Milo and Baileys and got reminded of that Thursday night. Which in particular, I do not clearly remember. It’s a little fuzzy but it was Theo’s birthday and we were all hanging out in the Green Room as all Thursday nights go. They got a jazz band in and we were all chilling out inside before we made the customary trip to Blakes on Telegraph.
It was a long, non-moving queue and I did not have ID with me. Ant came up and basically gave me a crash course on getting my way in without the use of ID at all. It was quite a funny moment then and I did not know whether to keep a straight face and take his advice or just burst into laughter as his animated face accompanied his accented intricate explanation of the art of underage entrance to clubs.
To say it was a good, cold summer night then is a lie.
I just made a decision to dump the physical evidence of what I deem a 2-year waste of time. Frankly, I had some reservations before I made my decision. I flipped through the items, looked through them and only one thought came to mind.
"Why do I want to keep them?"
I found no good reason to my question and came to the conclusion that it really wasn’t worth my time at all to hold on to things that made me unhappy. The best solution was to let them go and by go, it meant to the bin.
Maybe I am cynical or maybe I’m just trying to run away from it. But no, I think I am not. I still think it was my biggest mistake but I’m very sure I am no longer living in the shadows of it. I have walked out of it and left it a good distance behind.
I just feel that I do not want to be reminded of it because there wasn’t anything worth remembering. The knowledge of the mistake made and the goals ahead is a good reminder of the lesson learned. Sure, I still feel the occasional hints of bitterness but I’m in a good place now and I’m not looking back. I don’t want to and I don’t have to. I say it not in denial but with confidence.
There really is no point holding on to things that cause you unhappiness. Life is too short as it is anyway.
If I had to choose the years for which I had the best times of my life… only 3 comes to mind.
Life at 14 was a little drama on its own every single day. You’ll never know what’s going to happen next. One day you’re in and the next you’re out. It was childish and immature. But it was pure adolescence. And that was nice.
Perhaps fittingly so that it is also the last year of official teen-hood, it was a year of lessons and experiences. Changes in perspective, acceptance of reality and taking things as they come. It was a time of growing up and understanding that life is exciting and worth all the effort because nothing is certain.
Probably the busiest and most exciting one yet with so many things happening within the past 9 months. In all honesty, there has never been so great many changes or new adventures. Being clear of the future or at least having some semblance of knowing the road ahead is comforting and motivating. The pieces are slowly starting to fit and knowing that things will be fine no matter what route is taken is all that matters.