You should not and do not tell me things like that at this point in time. Things I do not want to hear. You do not break my heart, dreams and yes, fantasies like that. You had the good part of 3 months, even more. It hurts. A hell lot. As much as I know it’s only because you want to give the best to the best of your abilities. I love you for that and am grateful.
But still, do not kill my enthusiasm and my optimism like that. It means a lot to me. More than you’ll ever imagine. I am still looking forward to it, perhaps maybe a little less now.
Just like you, I feel the heartache and regret. But understand that it’s not blame.
I now know what it means to want something so bad that you can’t have. At least for now.
It’s called disappointment. With large helpings of hurt.
Esther:A kid had a little accident today. He had half his bowl of rice in his lap and the other on his shirt.
Me:Did you have to clean up after him?
Esther:No, I yelled at him to go clean up himself. I hate having to clean up after them when they have those little mess.
Me:Well, at least it wasn't in his pants and they're just little kids. It would be a whole different story if it was a guy if you know what I mean.
Esther:EWWW!! Get your mind out of the gutter. By little mess I meant those accidents little kids have like wetting their pants etc. I do not wanna imagine any other kinds of "little mess", especially those.
Me:Shit. I think I just ruined my own appetite.
At that time, I was eating raw squid with salmon roe.